How To Turn A Win-Win Into A Lose-Lose

Do you refuse help even when you would benefit from it?

You must consider accepting help as a weakness rather than a strength, right?

In this video, I share how easy it is to turn a win-win into a lose-lose, and how accepting help benefits you AND others.

Check out my new offerings:

Interviewing Skills Online Course titled “I Got The Job!” 

My new book (on Amazon) on Interviewing titled “I Got The Job!”

Leadership Online Course: Performance Enhancing Feedback

Leave us a comment or a question below this post.

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Success Is Seldom Convenient

Is your success imminent or elusive?

Are you fighting the good fight and giving it all you’ve got?

In this video, I share my thoughts on the nature of success.

Check out my new offerings:

Interviewing Skills Online Course titled “I Got The Job!” 

My new book (on Amazon) on Interviewing titled “I Got The Job!”

Leadership Online Course: Performance Enhancing Feedback

Leave us a comment or a question below this post.

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Daily We Teach Others How To Treat Us

Are you surrounded by controlling people?

Were they always controlling, or did they gradually become so?

In this video, I explore the process that turns respectful people into controlling ones, and how to reverse it.

Check out my new offerings:

Interviewing Skills Online Course titled “I Got The Job!” 

My new book (on Amazon) on Interviewing titled “I Got The Job!”

Leadership Online Course: Performance Enhancing Feedback

Leave us a comment or a question below this post.

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Have You Ever Said “NO” To Your Manager?

Have you ever said “NO” to your manager?

Have you been tempted to but feared doing so?

In this video, I respond to a viewer’s question and share situations when I encourage you to say no.

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How Non-Assertiveness Leads To Distrust

Is your lack of assertiveness causing people to question your motivations?

Have they stopped trusting you and asking your opinion?

You shouldn’t be surprised, and in this video, I explain how that happens and why it’s so important to stand up for yourself and your beliefs.

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Part Two – Want More From Life? ASK For It!

After reading the Want more from life? ASK for it! post, Monique wrote me and asked, “Craig, you said to control the factors that influence results, like body language, facial expressions, etc. Will you be more specific?”

An important influence on getting what you ask for is your expectation of the recipient’s response. Dr. Milton Erikson’s Law of Expectations states “85% of what you expect to happen…will” because in certain ways you cause them to happen.

Let’s visualize how expectations affect how we ask. Think about a time when you asked a friend to go somewhere with you. Close your eyes and picture yourself asking, expecting a yes AND no response.

What did you see? When you expected them to say no, you assumed one of two postures:

  • aggressive – feeling you had to overpower them into saying yes
  • submissive – feeling you didn’t have a strong enough case to seriously consider

Both postures undermine your desire to have your request approved.

If you saw yourself as aggressive, you probably pictured yourself ready for a battle, or ready to defend your request, with your:

  • Body tense, leaning in, with shoulders forward
  • Hands held tight or fists clenched
  • Facial muscles tensed
  • Eyes glaring or staring intensely
  • Voice strained or forced
  • Volume moderate to loud, with strong emphasis on certain words
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    Want more from life? ASK for it!

    You create the life you have by the choices you make – what you choose to do and choose not to do. It’s true that life sends some stuff your way that you don’t choose, but you control what you get.

    One choice I encourage you to make is to ask for what you want.

    I remember being in a relationship with a woman who brought home pair after pair of new shoes, and bragged that they were all leather and she didn’t pay a dime for them. When I asked her how she got them, she replied, “I asked for them.”

    She was fortunate to wear the same size as the samples, and she was intentional in asking for what she wanted – free, all leather shoes! It was amazing how many salespeople would give away those sample sizes. If I had not learned how valuable it was to ask for what you want before then, I learned it from her. By the way, her name was not Imelda Marcos!

    Many people struggle to ask for what they want. They also have a hard time saying no to others and yes to themselves. A consequence of not asking for things is you don’t get all you deserve. I want you to get everything you deserve in life, so let’s examine how to ask.

    First, you need to move past the barriers that keep you from asking. Listed below are some of them, and my responses.

    Reason: I shouldn’t have to ask, they should already know what I want.
    Counter: Sometimes people don’t know. Sometimes they do know but expect you to ask for what you want. If I were a car salesman and knew you wanted a discounted price, I wouldn’t give it to you unless you ask!

    Reason: I fear conflict, and do my best to avoid it.
    Counter: There is no way to avoid conflict – you are simply choosing the location of the conflict. You are choosing between a potential conflict with someone else when you ask OR a guaranteed conflict with yourself when you don’t muster the strength to ask. Beating yourself up lasts longer and does more damage to your self-esteem. It can also become a vicious cycle: You don’t ask, you don’t receive, you internalize that you don’t deserve, which discourages you from asking—repeat the cycle.

    Reason: I’ve had negative experiences in the past when asking for things.
    Counter: Don’t let past disappointments stand in the way of future successes. Learn how to control the factors that influence results – then start asking again. Learn about making requests and using the proper body language, facial expressions, tone of voice, eye contact, volume and inflections, and presentation of information.

    Reason: I’m a people pleaser and tend to put others’ needs ahead of mine.
    Counter: The more you take care of others, the more important it is that you maintain good health. You need to be self-oriented and say yes to taking care of yourself and no to others’ requests. When reenergized, you can go back to taking care of others.

    Reason: Asking shows weakness.
    Counter: Asking for what you want shows strength – strength that you can take care of yourself. Find a successful person, and you will find an assertive person who asks for what they want.

    What is the best way to ask?

    • the easier it is for you to ask, the easier it is for them to say no or deny your request
    • the harder it is for you to ask, the harder it is for them to say no or deny your request

    Method: written – text, email, letter
    Difficulty: easiest to do – easiest to ignore or reject

    Method: verbally from a distance – phone, skype, facetime, teleconference
    Difficulty: harder to do, harder to ignore or reject

    Method: verbally in person – face to face
    Difficulty: hardest to do, hardest to ignore or reject

    I always make it hardest on myself, because I want to make it hardest on them to say no.

    Asking for what you want will change your life. You won’t always get what you want, but it’s your best chance to do so. The biggest reward is internal; even if they deny your request, you will feel good about yourself for asking!

    One last tip, if you haven’t asked much in the past, you will not feel comfortable asking now. Don’t wait till you are comfortable; you will only get more comfortable with practice and some positive results.

    Ask more of yourself and get out of your comfort zone. You may find the results appealing enough to make it a new habit. Who knows, you may end up with a closet full of shoes – or more of what YOU want from life!

    That’s my perspective, what’s yours? Leave us a comment or a question below this post, and don’t miss the video on this topic on YouTube! read more

    Why You Should Talk To People You Disagree With

    I have always believed that talking to people I disagree with has tremendous value, as does reading and watching content that promotes a viewpoint contrary to mine. I must admit, it’s not always easy, but I’m definitely wiser in the end.

    I’m pretty sure that perspective is not shared by all – especially lately. The divide between people with opposing views appears to be getting larger, to the point where I’m questioning whether the statement ‘agree to disagree and respectfully coexist’ still applies.

    I think the ‘it’s not easy’ part is helping to divide us when the ‘I’m wiser in the end’ part ought to be uniting us. What’s likely causing this divide?

  • News and talk shows promote more biased and skewed views of the facts, causing people to completely avoid some shows and gravitate to those they agree with.
  • Individuals spend more time in social media engineered echo chambers – having their viewpoints validated by like-minded individuals.
  • Businesses encourage employees not to discuss controversial subjects while at work.
  • Many companies foster unspoken mandates such as ‘we must all agree for the good of the team’ and ‘don’t say anything that might be upsetting to another.’
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