After reading the Want more from life? ASK for it!
post, Monique wrote me and asked, “Craig, you said to control the factors that influence results, like body language, facial expressions, etc. Will you be more specific?”
An important influence on getting what you ask for is your expectation of the recipient’s response. Dr. Milton Erikson’s Law of Expectations states “85% of what you expect to happen…will” because in certain ways you cause them to happen.
Let’s visualize how expectations affect how we ask. Think about a time when you asked a friend to go somewhere with you. Close your eyes and picture yourself asking, expecting a yes AND no response.
What did you see? When you expected them to say no, you assumed one of two postures:
- aggressive – feeling you had to overpower them into saying yes
- submissive – feeling you didn’t have a strong enough case to seriously consider
Both postures undermine your desire to have your request approved.
If you saw yourself as aggressive, you probably pictured yourself ready for a battle, or ready to defend your request, with your:
Body tense, leaning in, with shoulders forward
Hands held tight or fists clenched
Facial muscles tensed
Eyes glaring or staring intensely
Voice strained or forced
Volume moderate to loud, with strong emphasis on certain words